I Can't Say I Expected "Write an Essay" Would Be the First Thing I Did this Morning...

I felt this entry should be public.

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There aren't many things that can make me go and write a short essay out of spite, but this is one of them.

"Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas" has had it's rating changed by the ESRB. It is now rated "Adults-Only" (1).

All because some third-party asshole went and programmed a downloadable mod for the PC version that added sex scenes where they were otherwise merely implied in the game (1).

I don't care about some guy wanting to get off on Carl Johnson getting it on with one of the several possible girlfriends in the game. Neither should the ESRB. You can't rate a game based on the availability of content created by outside groups. That would be like rating the original "Super Mario Bros." "Mature" because somebody released a ROM that gave Mario and Luigi guns. Or perhaps a better comparison would be changing the rating of "The Passion of the Christ" to "XXX" for extreme graphic violence?

After all, "Adults-Only" is the ESRB version of the MPAA's "XXX" rating. That's a bit extreme don't you think? Ever seen a gangster movie? Take Scarface for example. There is very little in the Grand Theft Auto universe that wasn't in Scarface. In fact, a previous installment of the series, "Vice City," was greatly influenced by the famous Pacino flick.

Anyway, my point is that, were "San Andreas" a movie, it would be rated "R" (or, as a game, the ESRB's "M" for "Mature: 17 or older"). In fact, considering the literally Oscar-level voice acting (boasting great performances by everyone from Ice T and Charlie Murphy to Samuel L. Jackson, James Woods and Peter Fonda, not to mention Chuck D, Axl Rose, and George Clinton voicing radio personalities, and a massive soundtrack on Interscope Records), "San Andreas" would probably be considered a critically acclaimed masterpiece, had it been a movie instead of a game. But now that some dick in his parents' basement added in sex scenes, the ESRB has made a move that has most major retailers pulling the game off their shelves.

7.23.2005, Joe Rentz
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1. Source: http://aolsvc.news.aol.com/celeb/article.adp?id=20050720181709990020